Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to hit the “easy” button for hard parenting questions? Better yet, if we could call in a parenting “coach” that would step in right in the middle of the current crises in our homes. Sorry, I don’t have access to either one of those.
Instead, I’ll offer you the best I can. Weeks ago I sat down with my friend and author of over 20 parenting books, Dr. Tim Kimmel. Tim has been a speaker at Pine Cove’s family camps for years, and is a highly sought-after expert for all sorts of issues dealing with families. He founded the organization, Family Matters, and regularly speaks at the Raising Truly Great Kids conferences.
As a dad with many young kids, I like to be reading books on parenting. Plus, I’ve counseled many kids over the years that were struggling with finding their footing in life, largely due to the hands-off approach their parents took in raising them. I’d encourage you to think now about your strategy in raising your kids.
Here are the six questions I posed to Tim:
1. What section of scripture most frames your theology of family, or of parenting in general?
O God, from my youth you have taught me,
and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds.
So even to old age and gray hairs,
O God, do not forsake me,
until I proclaim your might to another generation,
your power to all those to come.”
These verses remind us that God put a lot of his kingdom agenda into the development of family. My favorite definition of the family comes from the late Pope John Paul. He used to talk about what he called, “The Domestic Church.” He said it was the smallest church out there.We have to be deliberate to create strong families, because I am convinced strong families make strong churches.
2. What do you feel like are some common mistakes well-meaning parents make in bringing up their kids?
I see so many well-intended actions by parents. They love God, love their children, and want to make good decisions. However, the biggest mistake I see coming from parents today is what I call fear-based parenting. Many parents are intimidated by the job. Because they are so afraid of what our culture might do to their kids, they create their parenting strategies and tactics from that.
Fear-based parenting creates problems:
- Sin management – It is an outside-in way to alter behavior. As parents fix the outside issues with their kids, they hope these changes make their way in to the child.
- Makes us legalistic.
- Causes parents to subcontract out the responsibilities to churches and christian schools.
I believe we need to raise our kids the way God raises his children; in grace.
3. You have written many books on parenting. If you were to recommend one or two to parents with young kids, what would it be?
4. Outside of those you have written, which parenting book do you recommend the most?
The Grace of God – Andy Stanley
5. After writing dozens of parenting books, and being where you are now, if you could go back and do anything differently with your young kids, what would that be?
I wish I would have savored more moments with them. I wish I would have camped out in the backyard with my kids, because there weren’t extension chords long enough for my wife’s beautiful hair products.
6. Ok, you meet a couple that has a few kids, rather young in age. If you felt like they were open to hearing anything from you on the topic of parenting, what would you tell them?
Don’t assume you are inadequate for this job. God wouldn’t hand you kids if he didn’t think he could equip you to raise them effectively. If you think you’re inadequate, you become highly insecure.
Don’t dread any ages of the kids. The two’s are great. Junior high years are fun. Adolescence was really good as well. Don’t approach any season of their life thinking it will be miserable. It doesn’t have to be. Make God’s word a part on your second nature. Don’t make it a compartment that you visit each day. Frame your life by God’s Word. Don’t let the Bible be an ancillary part of your life
If you’d like to try to win one of these books, please do these two things:
1. Share this post on Facebook or Twitter.
2. Leave a comment below. Who knows – maybe Tim will stop by and address a question or two.
Later this week, my assistant will pick a few names at random and award you with a copy of one of these books.