A few weeks ago I was speaking to a group of high school students at my house. In the middle of my time with them, my wife and kids got back home, so I went through each one of them to introduce them to the students.
I started with my oldest and worked down to my youngest. With each one, I talked about their name, why we gave them their name, and a little bit about them. My kids giggled with excitement as I talked about them, but the reaction of the students is what surprised me the most.
You see, as I got beyond the superficial characteristics of each child and began talking about my deep love for them, the students began to be visibly shaken by it. And I’m not just talking about the girls, but the guys as well. After noticing their reactions to my words, I asked them, “Do you wish your parents said this about you?”. They all sheepishly shook their heads, yes.
So to sum up what I said about my kids that day, and what I say to them regularly, here it is:
1. You are my son/daughter. This states ownership on my part, and identity on theirs. It gives them a place to belong, in my family. This is the foundational statement on which the other two phrases are built.
2. I love you. This is one of those phrases I don’t think I can say enough. This tells my kids I accept them as they are. My boys are finally to the age where they randomly say to me, “I love you, dad”. I treasure those unprompted comments from them.
3. I am proud of you. My pride in them is not because of performance, but because they are mine. I regularly ask my oldest, “Do you know why I am proud of you?” He always looks me back in the eyes, smiles, and proudly says, “Because I’m your son.” Occasionally, he’ll say he doesn’t remember why I’m proud of him. I don’t mind when he does that. It’s his way of telling me he needs to hear it from me again.
Where did I get this? From the example God set for us as Father. At the baptism of Jesus, before He had done anything of significance in His earthly ministry, God says in Matthew 3:17:
“This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”
Again, Jesus hadn’t done anything at this point to earn it. God was claiming Him as His own. Because of his sonship, God loved him and was proud of him.
These words are powerful. Don’t believe me? Try them on your kids. Now remember, if you have gone some time without telling them this, you might feel weird or out of place. Let me encourage you to push through it. It’s worth it.
Do you tell your kids this regularly? What else do you tell them? Is there anything else you see that strikes a chord in them when you say it?
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Wonderful example and fantastic encouragement, Kevin. Thanks for posting this – you make an excellent blogger, and besides that, I hope my kids get a Kevin East in their life someday.
One historical point on Jesus’ baptism. We may say God the Father *loved* Jesus without him “having earned it”. God’s good pleasure, on the other hand, reflects specifically that Jesus had lived a life of devotion to God.
Again, this is a historical point; not a ‘theological’ point. As a Jewish boy/man in Galilee, the incarnate Son spent about thirty years living out the “two greatest commandments”. If he had not, he would not have had any right to go teaching them. (Nor would he be the spotless lamb we believe that he was.) But because Jesus did in fact live in that way, all his life, his Father must have been pleased.
If pleased = proud, I’d still suppose God was proud of his Son “just because you’re my son”. But in Jesus’ case, especially, there happened to have been much more to be proud of, on top of his lineage. And thank God that there was!
Love this, Kevin. Thanks for the encouragement.
Every night when I put my son to bed I remind him of those two things…That I love him…And that I am proud of him.
So good, Chris. It seems that as my kids grow older, these phrases become all the more important. You know how everyone has their idiosyncrasies? As my children grow, there are parts about them now that drive me crazy. I don’t want them to associate my love with only the skills they have that make me “proud”. My love, which is to be but a drop in a bucket compared to my Father’s love, is built on who they are, not on what they do.
Kevin,
A family camper friend, Pamela Hamza sent me the link to your post. Would you be open to me reposting this family post into my blog? I am not sure if I could copy/paste or simply provide the link. Your post is simple, yet impactful, and I know many friends who read my blog would appreciate these reminders!
David and I are Woods Week 7 Family Campers.
Thanks and I look forward to hearing from you.
Amanda Brown
Sounds great, Amanda. Send me an email at keast@pinecove.com if you have any questions. If not, do whatever you’d like. Thanks for helping get it out.
I give my daughters a nightly blessing similar to your post: “I love you. I bless you. I’m glad to be your dad. And no matter what you do, I will always love you.”
It’s become a special part of our bedtime routine.
jus discovered your blog, I am loving it!
Glad you are enjoying it. Let me know if you ever have any ideas of what you’d like for me to post on.
I discovered this blog yesterday ang I must tell you am blessed by it and I love it, Thanks for giving families like mine your time.
Glad to hear you enjoy it. You are so welcome.
I tell my son these things often. The other day he was standing at the door as I was leaving for work and I said, “I love you, Nate” and he shut the door. About 1/2 a second later, the door opened and he said loudly, “I love you too, daddy. I love you heaps.” You know I had a huge smile as I walked to work with eyes slightly wet from what I had just heard.
I also like to tell my daughter how beautiful she is… beautiful like her mommy.
Thanks again, Kevin, for the encouragement to continue to grow into the husband/father/man that God will be able to say, “well done”.
I just discovered your blog, and I like the way that we can all input, so that little part that we might have missed, someone can remind us of how important certain things play a very important role in the life’s of our families. You know you are right., I always say I love you to my grandkids in text messages, but you know they also need to hear from you. I’ll start doing it again.
I love it when we enlightened with something and we choose to walk forward differently. I’m sure your grandkids would love to hear your voice tell them those words. Powerful.