My wife likes to describe me as humbly confident. She says she appreciates the strength that I provide her and others. I find it hard to believe she still thinks this, even after all I have told her over the years. See, I might have an err of confidence, but deep down there is something more to the story.
I hadn’t thought about this for quite some time, until this weekend. I had a sharp college guy ask me if I ever struggled with pride, knowing how many people I influence. As he began to explain his question, I realized the perception he had of me. For years he had seen me on stage, speaking with boldness to large groups of people, and assumed that I was extremely confident. Little did he know.
In II Corinthians 12, Paul reminds us not to cover up our weakness – or to hide from it – but to boast in it. Because when we do, God’s power is made perfect.
When I got married, I wasn’t really all that surprised by how selfish I was. I don’t know, maybe living with many different guys over the years while I was single, I got a glimpse of the grossness of my selfishness. That wasn’t new news. What did surprise me was how insecure I was.
Even though I have spoken to large groups for 20 years, when I am getting ready to get on stage, I still go through the same process. There is one verse in particular that I read:
“Pray for me also, that I may be given the message when I begin to speak – that I may confidently make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may be able to speak boldly as I ought to speak.” Ephesians 6:19,20
Over the last few months, I have added another verse to pray right before I speak.
“With great power the apostles were giving testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great grace was on them all.” Acts 4:33
The insecurity for me isn’t about public speaking. That doesn’t bother me at all. The insecurity has more to do with being liked, or respected. When I get up to speak, I don’t want to compromise the content by being more focused on people’s thoughts about me. So I pray for confidence, and for boldness to proclaim truth boldly, with great power, all the while with great grace upon me.
I look forward to teaching my kids about insecurity. I want to use mine as a case study. You see, Satan would love nothing more than for me to be enslaved to my insecurity. He’d love for me to keep it hidden, and for me to strain harder and harder each day to make sure it stays “in the dark.” Not me. I’m be bringing it in the light over and over, and claiming God’s power be made perfect in the midst of it.
How about you. What is your weakness that wants to hold you down?
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“Comparison is the thief of joy.” Yes and yes. No matter how many times I share this message, record this statement, or recite them in my head… at the end of the day I still struggle with comparison. Not only does this weakness threaten to steal joy – but many other gifts as well.
Thanks for sharing your vitamin verses!
This is my comparison verse:
“Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.” Galatians 6:4-5, MSG
Good words, Ginger!
I’ve never heard the term, “vitamin verses.” I like it.
Galatians 4 has always been a place I refer to when comparison wants to creep in to steal joy, but I’ve never noticed the MSG translation. Love it.
Kevin, you are a humble man being used by God. Thank you for your transparancey! I struggle with alot of things. Your blog has encouraged me to not “stay in the dark” any longer but bring my weaknesses to light and allow the power of God to work through those weaknesses for God’s Glory rather than allow Satan to use them to debilitate me. Blessings on you, my friend.
Thanks Jen.
This was so great to read… I really respect that you admitted that it’s a struggle not to worry what people think. To a certain point, I understand what you’re saying regarding others’ perceptions of you as extremely confident based on the way you handle being in front of large groups of people. Sharing insecurities is so hard… God has caught me many, many times trying to re-arrange my sin in order to look better to the right people… Prov 29:25 is a cool mental picture for me whenever I hide my insecurities in order for people to have a higher opinion of me. I don’t want to proclaim freedom while living my life in a trap!
Thank you for writing… this really is great.
Thanks Holle. Good word.
Hey Kevin–
I just found your blog and wanted to thank you for this post. I’ve had a similar experience in marriage (though it’s only been months for me). I’ve noticed my insecurities more now than ever, and I think it’s because there’s someone holding me accountable! Our prayer for me is courage and confidence, not because I am adequate, but because God is.
Lay-Law
Lauren,
So good to hear from you. Congrats on your new marriage. I hope this blog is a good resource for you.
Don’t be a stranger….
Kevin, God’s been speaking to me a lot recently about what you just shared. Thanks for your vulnerability. It inspires me to think about how God may want to use me as a leader even as a “Beaver-Retriever”.
A phrase has been staying with me for a few weeks in regard to the relationship between strengths and weaknesses. “We steward our strengths, but we glory in our weaknesses!”
Yes, Loren, you are exactly right. I really like your line, “We steward our strengths, but we glory in our weaknesses!”
I think you are coming in to your own in your new role. You have brought a masculine strength that really creates energy around you. Love having you on the team….
Bro, I am there with you on the insecurity thing. There have been times where I have even hesitated to call someone because I know the conversation I am going to have might not be an enjoyable one. My tendency has been to just push aside whatever my weakness is and act in-spite of it. There is no gospel in that though. Like Loren’s comment, based on the verse you referenced in 2 Cor, I need to boast/glory in my weakness. That is where I find true hope and freedom from my sinful heart and where the Lord is working!
You ever think about telling your summer staff of your need to recite your true hope (gospel, not Kevin’s name) to yourself before you go on stage? Would that be a good way to “boast in your weakness”?
Funny you should ask, Drew. Just this past weekend I told all the leadership about it. Once that staffer asked me the question I referenced in the post, I thought it only appropriate to talk about it.
If I think it fits another time, I’ll share again.