Should you homeschool your kids, put them in private school, or put them in public school? Â This seems to be a common topic for young parents, as well as one that stirs up strong debates in christian communities. Â I have a strong opinion on this, and I think the answer is clear.
Here’s what I think you should do: Â You should pray about it, trust God, and then make a decision that would be best for your child.
We’re all too familiar with the tragedies we’ve seen over the recent years at schools.  There has been Jonesboro, Columbine, the Amish School in Pennsylvania, and most recently the horrible tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary in Connecticut.  Shortly after each occurrence there are, understandably, many people who think the best path forward is to pull their kids out and keep them home for school – forever.
I’ve heard similar comments about theaters after the shooting in Aurora, Colorado, or malls after the shooting in the Oregon mall, or summer camps after numerous stories of kids getting hurt there.  So what do we do?  Do we eventually end up in a place where we never leave our house?  Will this solve the problem?
When fear drives our decisions, we typically don’t make good ones.
Just last week a young dad asked me to go to breakfast to talk about public school vs homeschool. Â He had done research, read books, asked others their opinion on it, so he wanted me to weigh in on it as well. Â We had a great conversation over breakfast.
This is what I didn’t say:
- I didn’t tell him public school was the ONLY way to go. Â I’ve heard of others taking this stance when it comes to homeschool. Â I think that’s unfortunate.
- I didn’t tell him I was doing it, therefore he should.
- I didn’t tell him many negatives about homeschooling. Â Instead, I focused on what I perceive to be the strengths of public school.
- I didn’t tell him our kids would ALWAYS do public school, no matter what.
Many people are surprised when they find out our kids are in public school. Â Many assume we homeschool because we have foster and adopted kids. Â Not us. Â Our kids are thriving in public school, and we love it.
Here are my top reasons our kids are in public school:
1. They are meeting many great people.  Yes, they have met many new friends.  Black kids, white kids, hispanic kids, church-going kids, muslim kids, you name it.  Their school seems to have it.  It doesn’t stop there, though.  Both of their teachers are great.  God provided each child with exactly the type of person to best lead them.  Their principal is sharp, and the support staff couldn’t be better.
2. They are learning to practice submission and obedience with someone outside of the home.  This one is big for us.  Our kids’ teachers lead differently than we do.  Their expectations are different, and the way they communicate is different.  Our kids are learning to adapt, and learning that authority exists beyond my wife and me.
3. They are discovering, facing, and working through their insecurities.  One of my sons gets all uptight about his hair.  The other one, not so much.  One is a ladies man.  The other, not so much.  One always wants to lead, and is frustrated when others don’t want to follow.  The other, not so much.  I’ve been able to process these moments with them.  I’ve shared stories of my childhood and what I learned going through similar circumstances.
4. Their experiences are providing me with great teachable moments. Â Where do babies come from? Â Why are some people mean? Â Why doesn’t their friend believe in Jesus? Â Why would their friend’s dad leave home? Â These questions don’t threaten me. Â They help me. Â Each question is like a softball lob waiting for me to knock it out of the park. Â My boys and I have talked through all of these. Â My answers might not have been the best, but I gave them answers none the less.
5. They are learning to care for others, and to serve them.  When my wife and I found out their was a child with special needs in my son’s class, we asked the teacher to put our son near him so that he could help him.  What a gift.  His teacher would update us on how well our son was helping him to learn to read, and to get quiet at the appropriate times.  Our other son has learned about the importance of trying to protect girls.  We’ve talked to him about offering them his strength, like opening doors.
I could list many other reasons, but in most cases, they fall somewhat under these headings.  A good book on public school is Going Public: Your Child Can Thrive in Public School.
What have you chosen, homeschool or public school? Â Why?
As a mom of near-schoolage children, I am working through the public vs. private vs. homeschool decision, and this article offers great insight. But I wish there was a little more elaboration. For instance, author, where do you live? And would your decision change if you lived, say, in the inner city? We have chosen to raise our family in the downtown area of a very large city. The prevalence of violence, drugs, and underperforming schools cannot be overlooked. And does this change your decision?
Good questions. We live in Tyler, TX, far different than the downtown area of a very large city. The author of the book I mentioned in this post – I think – lives in the Seattle area. I don’t remember exactly.
The issues you mentioned that are prevalent in the inner city would definitely impact our decision as a family. However, we were recently contemplating a move to Memphis as well as to Phoenix, and we were thinking about the public schools there as well.
Another factor to consider is how your kids are doing. If I had a son or daughter that got mixed up in the wrong crowd, that would cause me concern. The reason being is that I find it is extremely difficult to remove yourself from those communities when you are in the midst of it. As a dad, I could see making a move with one of my kids if I felt like they needed help making that change.
All that said, I want to do school WITH my kids. If they are in public school, then I am committing to walk along side life with them through it. It’s not that I would be throwing them to the wolves or sharks. I would be there with them.
Hope that helps.
I was in public school my entire life (until college), and I wouldn’t trade it. My parents are both educators, and I was blessed to be in great school systems.
Oops. Didn’t mean to post that yet.
I was given so many opportunities to show others God’s love. Granted, there were a few years that I did anything but this, but in high school especially, I tried to live for God. It was also a great place to learn to make decisions and live in the world. I don’t think I would have had the same opportunities had I not been in public school.
We are planning on putting our son in public school. We would like to homeschool each of our kids for one year (I learned this from a PC family while I was in the Forge) to focus on developing their identity, etc. But the rest of the time I want our son and future children to have the opportunities I did in public school.
Sounds good, Staci. I could see doing that as well. Nothing at all wrong with it.
For the sake of this conversation, what do you think it looks like to keep your kids home for a year to focus on developing their identity, especially at such a young age?
Hope you are well, old friend.
We have chosen to homeschool our children after 5 years in public school. One of our children needed to speed up in some academic areas and slow down in others. Our other child was just plain not challenged at all. Both were in the GT program. We had considered homeschooling before they had ever gone to school, but it had not been an option. Our original reason was because we did not agree with the “testing to the test” which is so prevalent today. After we finally made the decision to finally homeschool, and I researched it heavily, our only regret is that we hadn’t started sooner.
oops… “teaching to the test”
I think we will encounter the same issue of academics with our oldest. He is way ahead in reading and math in comparison to the other kids his age. (Gets that from his mom. And no, I’m not kidding on that one.)
Great post Kevin. Thanks especially for your insights and example on how to be an intentional parent. My only comment is that I believe my home schooled kids experience the same things, just in different venues.
I could see that, but do you think to the same degree?
And you’re trying to compliment me on being intentional?? Sheesh, Chris. You are off the charts with that.
I wrote this post because I keep coming across people that see the public school system as something that creates a “hole” in their kids that requires them, as parents, to dig them out. I think the public school system provides parents with many benefits and opportunities that aren’t easily paralleled in other settings.
Joe and I see many pro’s and con’s to both sides of the equation and thankfully still have a couple years before we have to decide. I think its interesting what you guys have chosen coming from the fact that Stephanie was homeschooled. But I completely agree with you that seeking God’s will for each individual child and then trusting him in his answer is the most important.
Crazy, isn’t it. I’m glad you brought that up. As you know, my wife is incredible, and yes, she was homeschooled. Oddly enough, she is the one who is more adamant that our kids are in public school. She had a strong desire to get involved in our community through serving their teachers and getting to know the other parents.
The bottom line, just like you said, is to seek God’s heart and trust him. There might be times in the future when we pull out our kids for a season to homeschool them. We aren’t planning that now, but I am not prepared to say that public school is the “cool school” and everything else is a distant second.
I have 4 boys- all in public school. I completely agree with your stance- pray about it! God knows what’s best for each child, and each child may be different. My oldest is gifted, and though most people don’t realize, gifted children struggle a lot. We are prayerfully considering homeschooling him or putting him in a Christian school, though not our others.
My biggest reason for having our kids go to public school is that they are being a light to this lost world. They are witnessing and spreading the Gospel to children who most likely would not hear it anywhere else.
On another note, our school has gone through such a transition in the last several years- a very high turn-over rate. Half of the teachers this year are new, and the other half are mostly new, having just started last year. Though I haven’t been very happy with how the school has been going, I still know that God wants my children in this school. Why? I don’t know exactly. Maybe because God wants us to be the light this school needs. I am very involved in the parent/teacher org. and am constantly praying over the teachers, faculty, staff, and students. It’s not always about looking at “me, my four, and no more”… We need to think about benefiting others also.
Mr. East, I’m a Christian-private high school student. My sister, Natalie went to public school. She’s now 24 years old and is still rejecting the gospel. Before she was in high school she was a smart straight-A’s student bound for governer’s school and a bright future. My parents are both strong Christians but as Natalie grew older and older, she was influenced more by her friends than her parents. She eventually ran away and now refuses to come in contact with my dad. We now have very little influence on her and she is, as of right now, bound for eternal seperation from God. I’ve been told (and I believe it to be imperitive) that it is critical who you choose as your friends in high school because it will develop who you are. With not only the bible/prayer taken out of public school but athiesm being taught, homosexualism being taught as just another lifestyle, and many other ideas being taught that are not ideas God uses to renew a mind at high influence in public schools- I believe it depends on the maturity of the relationship with Christ a parent’s child has. If my dad didn’t see his mistake in Natalie and put me in my christian private school my 6th grade year, I don’t believe I would be the disciple I am be today. So if parents can find any way possible to afford Christian-private schooling, I believe that is the way to go. Is my thinking incorrect?
Thanks for commenting, James.
Bottom line: I think you are giving far too much credit/blame to the public school for where your sister is in life.
Your comment here makes it sound like the public school system is on an all-out blitz to reprogram your brain to things contrary to Scripture. Here’s what I would say: The public school system is not doing that; Satan is. He is using every means necessary to twist the Truth and to present it people who will hopefully buy into it. He is using media, schools, neighbors, parents, siblings, friends, music, and others.
Public school is not the deceiver; Satan is. He wants to deceive us, lead us astray, and ultimately kill us.
But there is good news.
Jesus has come and conquered death, Satan, and has given power to those who call upon His name. I believe that with everything I am.
James, I believe you are the disciple today because – by His grace – your eyes have been opened and you have chosen to follow Him.
And your sister’s story isn’t done yet….
You are correct that Satan is using every means necessary to twist the Truth; you are incorrect in your assumption that he is not using the public school system as one of those means.
As someone who went to private Episcopalian, public, Catholic, and private Christian schools, I have a very unique perspective on schools. One thing my parents were adamant about was that I was enrolled in a traditional education setting, rather than a homeschooled one. There are many benefits to homeschooling, but I respect my parents decision and see myself choosing at least the same traditional schooling stance in the future – which setting is unknown, that will be decided prayerfully.
I loved my time in each school setting, and I have been molded and shaped through each experience. It is apparent in looking back how The Lord orchestrated it all, though sometimes not in the moment. I was blessed by my elementary experience in public school – I loved it. And for me, going to a private Christian high school was wonderful.
Today, years later, I am a third grade teacher at a public school in Texas. Public schools are different in this suburb of Dallas than where I grew up in Louisiana. Yet I still attended for a period of time. The school in which I work is a Title 1 school, meaning that almost 80% of our students are on free or reduced lunch. I would absolutely send my children to the school I work. Dedicated teachers are the reason. Being a teacher, I absolutely know that “teaching to the test” is an issue, but as a teacher, I have to constantly check to make sure I am not falling into that trap. In my opinion, it is about dedicated teachers who want to impact their students for a lifetime. I absolutely love teaching in the public school system and do not see leaving any time soon. It is a blessing to come alongside parents to educate their children, and an incredible honor to work with my students each day. I’m not saying that private school teachers don’t experience the same thing, but I know that my student population is different than private school – and I count it a blessing to work in a public school district.
Amanda Butts
I appreciate the fact that you take the time to pray about the educational choice for your kids and encourage others to do the same. School choice is creating a better education for kids.
As a second generation homeschool family, it is obvious what I believe we are called to do with our family. I am a certified teacher who has spent time in both public and private schools. My only concern with this post is that many of the reasons that you listed for putting kids in public school assume that those same great things would not happen in a homeschool setting. I have found that my kids have been able to minister to our Muslim and Mormon neighbors in a real world setting that they can continue when they are grown. They have also been able to break through the generational barriers and befriend retired couples and young families who are just starting their families. My kids have also had the opportunity to befriend and reach out to children of different races and those who are disabled in their PE co-op. So, just wanted to make the point that many of your 10 reasons can also happen through other educational choices and are not unique to public school. As Christians we should all be teaching our kids to minister to the world around them regardless of the educational choice that we feel is right for our children.
Thanks for writing a great post to encourage parents to seek God with regard to raising their families.
Kevin,
Great post – great discussion. I wholeheartedly agree with you…and we’re homeschooling our kids! Bottom line: it comes down to doing what you need to do as a parent to ensure that your children are prepared for life in the best way possible.
In our context…it ended up being a fairly simple decision. Public school ended up being the cost of a private school…only we weren’t seeing the results. Our sons’ class was overcrowded and our sons’ teacher (who we think was fantastic) was overburdened.
Because we’re in camp ministry and live in a remote area, we were driving 160 miles every week just to get Jaret to the school bus that he would spend three hours a day riding to and from school.
In the end, the most important factor was that he was not being challenged and his teacher acknowledged that she was unable to challenge him because she had to teach to the level of the least prepared student.
At first, we were nervous about our decision to pull him from the school, but quickly we began to see him flourish and develop.
As a product of the public school system, I was seriously concerned about opportunities that may not exist with homeschool. I am convinced now more than ever that homeschooling was the right choice for US.
But, as you said, parents need to spend time in prayer and seek God’s direction…and finally make the best decision for your child in your context.
Thanks for sharing!
Great word, Joe. Your example is exactly why I’m not willing to say that homeschooling your child is never a good idea. Every family is different, with different scenarios, kids, and stages in life. It sounds like yall adapted for good reason.
What I love about what you shared is that there’s no hint of fear of those “dirty” people in public schools, or all the bad things your child might pick up by being around public school people. Your reason for homeschooling was very practical, with the needs of the child at the forefront of your mind.
Thanks for commenting.
So how many of you who send kids to public schools had great public school experiences? Mine was pretty terrible – bullying and fighting from the 3rd grade up. As a guy I guess you could say it “toughened” me up (I believe it made me more callous), but I was a sensitive kid and it was a pretty devastating experience nearly daily. I may allow my boys to go to public school, but the sexual harassment (verbal and physical) the girls had to put up with will not be my girls’ experience. That’s my experience; I know everyone’s is different.
It’s definitely a decision that should be made by the parents and not our government. For my wife and I, it came down to what we wanted our children exposed to and who they would be influenced by. When we took our kids to look at colleges, we were told over and over how much these schools liked homeschoolers and that their grades and behavior were usually at a much higher level than the publicly educated children.